06/09/2013

Well, as for Hannah, we had a rough evening but she is so strong and determined.  The day was  quite uneventful, just a lot of monitor watching and pondering.  At around 8 pm Mark headed for the airport to pick up  Emma from her flight from Boston.  Just soon after he left,  Hannah became agitated with the cannula and all of the sudden she had a nosebleed.  I was alone in the room and she became quite panicked when she saw "Mr. Red".  I hit the call button but it was a few minutes before a nurse arrived.  During that time the bleeding became quite profuse.  I struggled to calm Hannah (and myself!) but was, thankfully,  able to find enough composure to keep things under control by speaking comforting words and dirtying A LOT of white washcloths.  (Boy am I glad I don't do the laundry for this place !).   So the nurses finally got to the room--a barrage of them--and they quickly took over.  With me in the bed now holding Hannah securely as she protested the nurses pinching of her nose, things became manageable.  Hannah continued to be very upset at all the blood and the hectic scene-and she wasn't afraid to let us know just what she thought, in her mind, was the cause of the bleeding (the "dumb/idiot tubey") She kept raising her skinny little fist and exclaiming "idiot tubey"  all the time we kept pinching and wiping and calming.  It went on for a good 20 to 30 minutes I suppose, till finally the bleeding stopped and we got the masks cleaned up and back into place. 

Looking back I can imagine that Hannah was quite dizzy and disoriented through all the screaming and shaking of fists, as her sats dropped down into the 70% range often and didn't rise above 80 for several minutes at a time.  After all of the help left and we were there again in the bed alone it took some time for her oxygen levels to return to the mid 90% and while I just held her there, waiting for her dad to come back, I realized that we had both done a very good job in a very bad situation and I was glad.  I know we have hard times ahead of a similar nature.  I realize the presence of the spirit when it is needed.  It seems to just quietly descend and then rest on you til the crisis is over and then you are made aware of the power outside of yourself that has enabled you to endure.  I was quietly reminded (again) that Heavenly Father is ever aware and ever present.  That the anxiety of the unknown is often more difficult than the unknown when it manifests itself.  That I am never, never alone.  That He loves me. That He weeps, and worries and also rejoices with me when the storm passes.  It is powerful to know this.  I rely on this knowledge from moment to moment. 

So now Hannah is again sleeping, breathing is becoming more labored but she is holding her saturation levels high.  One bright ray in the midst of the turmoil was that she was able to get rid of alot of junk from her lungs as she coughed and sputtered about.  Her little self just puked and puffed and cleared herself right out.  So the rattle in her chest is a little quieter for now.  Being thankful for that. 

Well, I need to get back to the room.  Again, thank you for all that you are doing my friend. 

Cindy